Monday, March 1, 2010
Adventures at the Dentist's Office
The hard part about moving to a new area of the country (and switching health insurance plans) is that you have to go through the trouble of finding a new kind of doctor for everything. For 21 years I had the same family physician. He was GREAT! And my mom had to shop around A LOT to find someone as good as him. Not only was he brilliant, but he knew my entire history, which really helped when he was trying to diagnose what my problem was when I would go see him. My dentist was the same way. He was mega-boring (I can't count the number of times I heard stories about different tree species and what climates best suit them), but he was really good at what he did. He had an entirely high-tech office (with computerized X-rays that would let him see into my teeth even better than normal X-rays), his hygienists were TOTALLY mean and made you feel like a piece of turd for not flossing as often as you should (which I suppose is a good thing, at least they can see that you're a screwup), and his filling-work was quick and extremely durable. I was sad to say goodbye.
So on my new insurance plan, I was given a list of dentists in the area who accept my insurance. Well, I've been having some serious tooth-grinding issues lately which result in migraines, so I decided it was time to make an appointment for a cleaning and some X-rays to make sure I still had enamel.
PIECE OF ADVICE: Don't ever just go with the first name on the list.
Because that's what I did. I don't know why I didn't just walk out after stepping though the door. Maybe it's because I'm a dummy.
RED FLAG #1:
The dentist's office was in fact a "commodious" double wide. Oh the South. You should never have your teeth touched by people who work in a double wide.
RED FLAG #2:
The double wide had floor-to-ceiling wood panelling. It was kind of like a cabin. But I don't want to get my teeth fixed in a log cabin in the wilderness. But what really gave it that rustic (read: creepy) feel was...
RED FLAG #3:
The deer heads and giant preserved fish that adorned the walls of the wood panelled waiting room. I wonder if he practices dentistry on the animals he preserves.
RED FLAG #4:
The first thing the hygienist says upon opening my mouth is, "OH MAH GAWD! YOU HAVE ALL YOUR TEEEEEETH!"
::sigh::
The fact that someone whose profession includes looking at people's teeth all day long is surprised to have a patient with a full set of teeth is unsettling. More unsettling than that is the fact that she continued to comment on the number of teeth that I have:
"WOOOWWWW!! You got all 28 in there, dontcha? They are just SOOOO STRAIGHT!!" But here's the real kicker. I have a couple of fillings in some molars, and they're filled with porcelain so that they match the color of my teeth. Those kinds of fillings are fairly commonplace in today's world, so a dentist or hygienist should have no problem at all identifying them. Or so you'd think. I learned not to expect too much of anybody...even if it's their job. She said "GAWD, yer fillins are so good that I cain't even see em!"
Great. That makes me feel super awesome.
So I let her clean my teeth and was just hopeful that at least the dentist would know a thing or two. (Ha! There goes my silly imagination again...imagining a world where dentists knew a thing or two about teeth.)
RED FLAG #5: The dentist comes in, opens my mouth to have a look, and what does he say?
"OH WOW! YOU HAVE ALL YOUR TEETH!"
He also looked at my x-rays, told me that because I grind my teeth I have TMJ in my jaw. His brilliant doctor solution (that he went to dental school for) was this: "Stop grinding your teeth. Also, you can take Advil if you need it." BRILLIANT!
On my to-do list? Find a new dentist. Because it's probably a good idea to have a dentist for whom a full set of teeth is not a "rare find."
Thursday, February 11, 2010
It's not like I'm an adult capable of having a child or anything...oh wait...
- bagel
- dry cereal
- hot tea
- banana
- white bread
- baked potato
- crackers
- apple juice
- crackers
- sprite
- white bread
- whipped potatoes
- crackers
- milk
- cream of wheat
Friday, January 8, 2010
The 4 Worst Words: "Are there any questions?"
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Moral of the story? You should only be friends with those you can use.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Is your dog the fat kid in obedience school...?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Creative cures for that unemployment boredom...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wisdom from my dad
My dad was right. He always is. Sophomore year of college, we went out for lunch and he told me, “When you look for your first job after graduation, it’s gonna take you a long time before you find one. You will cry. A lot. You need to make connections. If you don’t have connections, you will never have a job ever.” I wish I had listened.
I suppose I got my first experience with my father’s supreme wisdom when I was three years old and he told me that pooping my pants is disgusting and if I continued I would never have friends. That was the last day I ever wore a diaper. I just wish I was as smart at 19 as I was at three. It's not like I'm still pooping my pants...I'm just saying I brushed off my dad's warning, and I didn't focus on the whole "making connections" thing. It certainly came back to bite me in the ass. I'm 22 with a college degree in Economics and Russian and zero jobs. No one tells you that applying for jobs, is a full time job. Except instead of getting paid with dollars you get paid with an increased sense of bitterness and self-loathing.
Which is why I've decided to make the best of it. It forces you to look for the small things throughout your day that make the day about a thousand times more entertaining. FOR INSTANCE, I have this squirrel that lives in my yard who is completely awesome. He sits on the sill outside the window and watches Price is Right with me in the mornings. He usually wins the showcase, but I don't let that ruin our friendship.
I like to think of myself as Fun-employed (none of that Negative Nancy "unemployed" business. We're about optimism here.) Every day I have 9 hours to myself while my husband is at work. After I subtract the time spent applying for jobs, time spent NOT getting called back for interviews for said jobs, and time walking/playing with my dog, I have plenty of time for my imagination to exercise itself. You ever wonder why little kids are far more creative than adults? It's because they have the time to be creative. Well, when you're funemployed you have that time again. You don't have to worry about how you're going to write 12 pages on genital imagery in Pushkin's poetry. You don't have to worry about how you're going to argue that Thomas Malthus was just a pessimist on his period. Instead, you're free to think about the important things in life...like why Vladimir Putin thinks that riding shirtless on horses is what people want to see...or thinking about what your cover-job would be if you were a member of the CIA (mine would be CIA agent...no one would actually suspect that a CIA agent would *tell* people that they were a CIA agent)...or trying to think of reasons why Seth Rogan is so popular (by the way, I still can't think of any).
It also gives me time to work on my runway walk, because if I'm going to apply to be on America's Next Top Model Cycle 15 (I missed the deadline for Cycle 14), I'm going to have to fierce-it-up a bit. Word to the wise: if you're going to work on runway walking, one of the best places to do it is in the foil/saran wrap aisle at the grocery store. It has the fewest people...and nothing says "I'm powerful and fashion-forward" quite like Reynold's Wrap.
So if you're unemployed, think about making yourself FUNemployed. It's about infinity times better than wallowing in despair and nursing the wounds of your ravaged self-esteem. Plus, your grocery store experience will be a LOT more fun.