1. You're not into the business of bothering your neighbors/friends/family to buy face goop that you yourself wouldn't even use (I've seen a MaryKay convention UP CLOSE [believe me. the makeup doesn't help.]. It's nowhere I'd ever want to be. Talk about your teenage-girls-in-middle-aged-bodies. ::shudders::).
2. You can't cook/bake anything unless it's canned soup. Let's be honest, we can't all be Nigella. In fact, most of us aren't. Some of us just came from 4 years of college food (which, don't get me wrong, can be very good at some universities) where the dining hall ladies cut our Jell-o cubes for us. Unless people like crumbly/black cookies, selling baked good is probably not the best avenue for me.
or 3. You don't feel like hating your life/punching yourself in the face just to alleviate the boredom.
So I've decided that there are a few options that anyone can do. And even if you don't sell your ideas or make any money, at least it will be worth your while because you'll at least keep your brain exercised (gotta stave off that Alzheimer's! That's why I do a crossword and a sudoku every day.) But I don't see how any person, however mildly creative, couldn't sell their ideas--considering the amount of crap there is out there. You'll see what I mean...read on.
1. Write books for little kids. Seriously, have you seen baby books lately? REALLY?! 5 pages, about 30 words, some stupid cheesy pictures (and don't forget that there ALWAYS has to be some kind of crappy distorted mirror on the last page that says "Woo hoo! It's YOU!") That is ALL you need. And they're all so stupid...like they're about colors or animals and they have dumb titles such as "Colors! Colors!" or "Animal Fun!" Parents are supposed to teach their kids their colors and animals. MY books would teach kids the important things in life that many parents don't seem to stress enough. For example, there's the always-classic "Stop Poopin' Your Pants...OR ELSE!" and here's how it'd go--
page 1: "What's that smell? It smells so bad!"
Page 2: "Making everybody sad."
Page 3: "No one wants to be around the friendless kid whose pants are browned."
Page 4: "Worse than droolers and nose-pickers is the one who's fudged his knickers."
Page 5: "He isn't asked to join in games, and no one cares to learn his name"
Page 6: "What rancid stench from depths within! The cause of ultimate chagrin."
Page 7: "Who is he who smells so foul? The one who can't control his bowels!"
Page 8: "The one who'll never have a friend, who'll always have to buy Depends"
Page 9: "Woo hoo! It's YOU!" (and then there'll be the ubiquitous distorted mirror on the last page)
Why am I not published yet? It even rhymes, which is usually never the case with children's books.
2. Compose TV or radio jingles. Again...have you HEARD any of these jingles lately? They makemy ears bleed and my heart hurt. (Pepto Bismol is an exception. That is the best advertising I've ever seen. I'm being serious.) There's one recent commercial that is especially horrible--and it's for the steps you need to take to keep yourself healthy in a world ridden with swine flu germs. It's just a woman singing (like a diva) "WASH HANDS! COVER YOUR COUGH! STAY AT HOME WHEN YOU ARE SICK!!" Really? No rhyming? Remember when you were little and you would just sing tunes or songs about your day or what you were doing at any given moment...and you just made stuff up? Same thing. Do it now. For instance I could at this very moment compose a jingle about Nutella. "Nutelllaaaaa....makes life much bettaaaa." Done. I'm available for hire.
3. Create greeting cards. Easiest job ever. It could range from a blank card with a picture of a sleeping puppy on it to a card with a novel written on it. Seriously. EASY! Get started at home today...take your dog (or whatever pet...or even your children) and cover their cheeks and mouths in icing. Take a picture. Put it on the front of the card, and on the inside write "What cake?" Sell it for $2.99. Instant success. But don't forget that birthdays aren't the only occasion for cards. There are also the ones that are "Just Because" or "Thinking of You"...take a picture of a glass of water (or a watering can or a hose or a faucet), put it on the outside of the card, and on the inside of the card write "Water you up to?" or "Hose it goin'?" Simple picture on front? check. Lame pun? Check. Yeah. It'd sell like hotcakes.
Well there it is. Have fun, be creative (or not...you'd probably still be able to make money), and enjoy the company of your imagination.
No comments:
Post a Comment